Om at spørge en yogi om polyamori og køn – Asking a yogi about polyamory and gender

Her kan I læse et brev som jeg har skrevet til en yogi. På engelsk. Brevet handler om at relatere åbent, polyamori, køn, tantra, en flydende og mangfoldig tilgang m.m.

Hvad synes I? Hvis I har nogle idéer og kommentarer, så skriv gerne! På dansk. Or in English. 🙂


 Dear YogiEtc,

At this year’s Tantra Festival at TantraPlace I attended your presentation about open relating. What a wonderful presentation! What a treat! Thank you!

I keep telling my friends about the relation-ship that you invoked and that breaks when opened. (Smoke, smoke, smoke!)

I have been part of the Danish polyamory network and have a long personal history of relating openly. And my approach has been about relating openly, instead of trying to establish some kind of open entity, e. g. the open couple or the open relationship. Relating openly is process, activity, development. It’s comprehensive. Much in our everyday lives can be about relating openly, certainly not only heterosexual couple constellations. You have presented many wonderful words for that. I could not agree more, you expressed much of what I have practiced and articulated for many years.

Much of the Danish tantra teaching and practice seems to be about assuming “the masculine” and “the feminine” in ways that I find restricting. At the Tantra Festival there was, for example, a workshop (I noticed you participated as well) where men were asked to stage themselves as warriors. While women were encouraged to act out the role of someone motherly, e. g. forgiving in relation to the men’s misdoings under war. I am a pacifist. And I can’t see the advantages of cultivating this kind of two-gendered approach. What is considered “typically feminine” and “typically masculine” even seems to be different in the different countries I have visited. Plus I prefer approaches that are fluid, and appreciate diversity and specificity. My love to the people I love is about them, specifically them, not somebody else, about what they do (and they are what they do), about how they have developed, in the moments I meet them – it’s not the love of some construction of an eternal masculine or feminine stereotype.

So far I have not found tantra places in NordicCity that are about relating lovingly and openly beyond an odd gender binary.

Your presentation was mostly about worshiping Shakti, seen from a masculine perspective. And here are my questions:

  • What about other gender constellations? Worshipping all the people with all their genders lovingly and through an approach of relating openly?
  • Could gender itself be seen as something else than an entity? Could there be approaches of worshipping lovingly that are more about relating, about process, activity, development than approaches that assume gender as entity? For example: Doing gender? Gendering? Relating openly with a fluid and diverse approach regarding all the qualities of the people involved, including gender?
  • Or could there be an approach according to which we humans love each other as humans? Instead of cultivating gender stereotypes? Instead of cultivating personality traits?
  • Do you know places in NordicCity (Europe? The world?) with tantra approaches that are about relating openly and lovingly beyond binary gender stereotypes?

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Warm regards from NordicCountry toIndia!


Identity Truly


P.S.: The names of persons, events and places have been changed.

Bemærk: Ovenstående er udtryk for forfatterens egen holdning. Bloggen her er skrevet af forskellige forfattere, og ingen kan eller vil gøre sig til talsmand for alle polyamorøse.

Dette indlæg blev udgivet i Blog af Identity Truly. Bogmærk permalinket.

Om Identity Truly

Frequently asked questions about Identity Truly Q: Who is Identity Truly? A: Good question. Really. Q: How old is Identity Truly? A: Identity Truly is in an age were he/she is able to write. Q: In which languages can Identity Truly communicate? A: In several. For example: in English, Danish and German. Facial expression. Gesture. Building things in clay. Singing. Q: What gender has Identity Truly? A: Identity Truly can have diverse genders, also diverse blends of genders. We can discuss this over a cup of tea. Stop by. But wait a minute - does Identity Truly drink tea? Or rather coffee? Cocoa? Water? Milk? Whiskey? Questions spawn questions... Q: Which skin color, eye color, hair color, hairstyle, height, weight, shape has Identity Truly? Which clothes does he/she wear? A: Please specify what it matters for. Q: Is Identity Truly privileged? A: Yes. Q: What sexual preference has Identity Truly? A: Identity Truly has as strong preference for good sex, as opposed to bad sex. Q: Does Identity Truly have preferences? A: Yes. And they dynamically change. There has also been continuity over the years, e. g. a preference for diversity, change, dialogue, curiosity, reflection/reflectiveness, honesty, reliability, leftwing activism, kindness, playfulness. Q: Does Identity Truly have an identity? A: Yes. The identity of Identity Truly. Even more: he/she is the very embodiment of the identity of Identity Truly, truly. Q: How does Identity Truly live? A: He/She does not hide it, so if you're around him/her you'll see. Q: Is Identity Truly a human? A: There is evidence that Identity Truly's texts are not generated by a device or a non-human. So there is reason to assume that Identity Truly has some human features. Even though he/she, her/his cup (glass?) of tea (coffee, water, cocoa, brandy?) and many other constituents form a socio-material composite. Or is he/she the very composite, and not just one constituent? A cyborg? A giant frog-shaped structure connected to a CPU, programs, devices, a living human body in a wheelchair? Q: Does Identity Truly have a choice? A: Yes. Q: Is Identity Truly ignorant? A: Yes. Sometimes he/she knows it, sometimes he/she isn't even aware of it. That's the nature of ignorance. By blogging and getting your comments he/she has created a chance to learn more and overcome some of his/her ignorance. Q: So who is this Identity Truly? A: Good question. Really.

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